Hair Envy: "Good Hair"

Hair Envy: “Good Hair”

Hi Naturals! I'm back with another post for bella-kinks.com!

Recently my life has been consumed by gorgeous natural haired women and men on Pinterest, Facebook and even the New York Times. The first thing I find myself thinking is “Wow! Their hair is beautiful, long, curly, colored and just fabulous!” (The list goes on and on…) I immediately start to investigate what they are currently doing to achieve those results, what they have done and how I can get those same results. I long for the day when I will be able to rock protective styles without the use of hair packs and dream about the amazing curl length where I can get it into a pony or puff without the need of stretching my hair….But hold on a second…Their journey probably started the same way as many of us. They were tired of having relaxed hair (or lucky enough to never have gone through that), big chopped and/or transitioned.  They too may have looked at women, whose hair was in their “crush” list, just hoping for the day that their hair will be healthy and long.

I think the most interesting place to witness and just hear “hair envy” or “hair hate” is at the hair salon. My last visit was filled with questions about the state of my hair. “How long have you been natural?” (I politely answer) “Guuuurlll! I could never do that. My sister has ‘good hair’ and it’s long and pretty. I don’t have that.” (I think to myself, have you tried to see what your natural hair would do?) As I look around and see all the women who are getting relaxers, I can tell you I do not envy them. I don’t miss the burning, the hours of waiting nor the smell. (I’m not telling anyone what to do or how to wear their hair. I just know that lifestyle is no longer for me.) I even remember when I did get my hair relaxed and I was working at a summer camp, one of the other camp counselors was asking about my hair and wondered if I was “Indian”. My first thought was 'What does that have to do with anything?' and then 'Does she me Native American? Or from India?' My third thought "Did she really just ask me that?' My actual response "I don't think so." When did "Indian" become synonymous with having "good hair"? 

 So, this got me thinking. Is it bad to look at another’s hair in hopes of attaining that same style? How does it affect our self-esteem, self-worth? When does looking at someone else’s hair become negative and envious? To answer those questions, I immediately came up with another list: Do I neglect my hair after viewing those pictures? (No. If anything, it makes me want to take even better care of my hair. Co-wash, condition, moisturize, oil, henna (I finally henna'd yesterday!), deep condition….). I understand that their hair will not now or ever be my hair. Sure there are women out there who have similar textures as mine and I can envision how my hair might be at that stage/length, but we all have beautiful waves, kinks, coils, curls, locs, twa’s and everything in between. As long as we remember to embrace and care for what we have we all have "good hair" and when we accept that, hopefully we can break those stereotypes and molds.